Sunday, 8 April 2012

Venus, Jupiter, Mars

A few weeks ago I was out with my daughter just as the sun was setting. She pointed to the sky and said. “Look Mam there is Venus and Jupiter, and over there is Mars!” I looked up to the sky and saw these planets and responded with, “Wow! Venus is my ruling planet!” and I felt this strange connection and my daughter stated that she felt it very comforting to be able to see planets that were in our solar system.  For me it gave me this sense of belonging to something so magnificent, our galaxy.  I am part of something that is so complex and difficult to understand and there are over 3,000 galaxies within the Universe!

As the sunsets if you look to the west, no matter where you are in the world, you will be able to see Venus and Jupiter so clearly.  They will shine for about four hours after sunset.  Venus is the larger brighter star.  Then if you look to the east you will see Mars which has a reddish glow.  Mars will shine from dusk till dawn. During the month of April Saturn will become visible too!  If you want more information click on the link.

We owe our life to the stars, we were born from them.  Our bodies are made up of all the elements in the periodic table and these come from the stars.  Simply as we breathe we are exchanging elements such as Carbon Dioxide with the trees and plants.  The food that we eat comes from the earth, be it plant or animal, and when we eat we are ingesting these elements, they are integrated into the cells and atoms of our bodies.  Everyone of us are exchanging particles within our Universe, just by breathing.  Throughout our lives we are continuously replacing our essential elements within our bodies and when we die these are broken down and go back into the Earth.  And the cycle of life goes on. So let us just think about this process, this means that within our bodies we have particles from life on this planet that lived millions of years ago!  The water on our planet is constantly being recycled through evaporation and condensation, it is billions of years old and we drink it!

Beneath all natural phenomena there is a sense of order and consistency, it is not rigid but free flowing, an energy which binds us together.  We are all part of this energy force but we have the choice and free will to go our own way.  We all have the capacity to tap into this limitless Universal Energy to carry us towards our greatest potential, but sometimes we forget this in a time of crisis.  When facing a life limiting illness there are days when the darkness consumes you and you feel trapped unable to progress to your true potential because the medical treatment and decisions you have to make about it are overwhelming. Many of us will have experienced points in our lives when we have fallen into darkness and doubt.  When we hear ourselves saying, “What’s the point of it all?” these are the times when you need to look into yourself, your true essence.

Sometimes when we try to enhance the quality of our lives we put too much energy into filling our existence with “things to do” filling the space around us to make us feel secure, because we have a need to belong to something and not to feel alone.  Have you ever felt that sense of awe when seeing a natural beauty, like an incredible sunset, a view from a mountain top and it consumes you and for that moment you do not feel alone? This is a connection that our rational minds find difficult to comprehend but it is also a time when you realise that the physical things that we surround ourselves with have no real bearing on our lives.  Take time out and enjoy the beauty around you. Do some sky watching; connect with the energies around you.

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Saturday, 17 March 2012

Healthy Vagina

Have you ever felt that feeling of emptiness?  As physical beings it is natural for us to seek a physical connection and intimacy within a relationship.  If our sexual needs are suppressed this could cause an imbalance within our emotional and physical needs and be detrimental to our health.

There are many single ladies out there who are "Cancer Warriors" fighting to hold onto life a little longer and searching for intimacy as nature intended.  There are many links made to the fact that a healthy sex life has a profound positive effect on your wellbeing.  But these ladies must not get lost in their search to settle for a sexual encounter that will leave them feeling empty. 
  
For a relationship to last in a healthy way both partners must feel a pureness in the exchange of energies during intimacy. When two compatible people come together, entwining their physical and spiritual beings together in a sexual expression then the exchange of energies can be overwhelmingly beautiful.  If you choose to give yourself in an intimate way to a partner who feeds from your loving energy but does not return it, then that feeling of emptiness will get deeper and deeper which may exasperate a feeling of loneliness within the relationship.  Sometimes in life you may find a partner where the connection is so powerful and beautiful but, out of the blue, with no explanation they decide to end it.  This can be an extremely painful time and you must make sure that within the emotional hurt you will be feeling that you do not lose sense of who you are. If you lose a sense of your true essence then this can open the way for disease.

Breast cancer treatment is ruthless on the female body.  Many of us are thrown into an early menopause and then given drugs to inhibit the natural production of our female hormones that are essential to the healthy balance of our bodies.  We know of the obvious side affects such as  lethargy and changes in body temperature but one of the most unspoken areas that it affects is the vagina.  Whether you have cancer or not as a woman you must keep your vagina healthy and very few doctors will prompt a discussion on this with you.  One of the best ways is to have sex to keep the walls of the vagina healthy by keeping it moisturised and maintaining the elasticity.  So you ladies out there with a partner are lucky, well as long as it is a healthy relationship.  Now, those of you who are single, well you need to keep up the maintenance.  So as much as you follow a skin care regime to your face and body you also need to take care of your intimate lady bits.
 

The fall in estrogen levels due to the cancer treatment can cause the tissue of the vagina to become thinner and this causes painful sex, but it can be rectified.   



There is a non-hormonal vaginal moisturiser called Replense.  If you are a cancer patient you may be able to  get this on prescription.  Aloe vera gel is also very good to use as a lubricant and it has powerful healing properties, check first to make sure you are not allergic to it.  To keep the vaginal tract healthy it needs to be stimulated.    Vaginal dilators are a safe way to self treat this condition. Talk to your doctor about it you may be able to get them on prescription or here is a link to buy your own http://www.medicalshop.co.uk/s/7.63/Amielle-Care
 “Designed in conjunction with psychosexual therapists, Amielle Comfort vaginal dilators help women to familiarise themselves with their body and build confidence at a pace that they decide suits them best.”

When cancer challenges your femininity it takes an extreme amount of courage to enter into a new intimate relationship.  But when cancer becomes life limiting then it can seem that your prospects are reduced because too many people are conditioned to look too far into the future instead of enjoying the now, and potential partners can be put off.  You must not collapse into a sense of “Who would want me?” and open yourself up to negative energies. You must also be aware of what sex means to you.  Having cancer can make us feel emotionally fragile and we benefit from close bonding relationships, so until you are ready for a sexual relationship, keep your vagina healthy! 


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Monday, 5 March 2012

Pure Happiness

Happiness is one of those emotional experiences that many of us enjoy feeling, it lifts your spirits and gives you energy and it has the power to override feelings of sorrow that you manifest. So why do you not feel happy all the time if it is so good?

 All of your emotions are personal constructs that generate from your brain and so sometimes the happy feeling is not able to mature and last because it is blocked by the ego the “I am”.
You are controlled by your ego; the same egocentric force that can give you arrogance can also make you feel inadequate.  When you have a life limiting illness it takes a lot of courage and faith to believe and trust yourself because this is when you realise you are alone in the sense that your frame of mind is the only thing that will make or break you, and it is controlled by you. 
 
Our Western way of living conditions our egos to create attachments.  We attach ourselves to people for fear of being alone; we pursue money relentlessly for fear of insecurity without it. Security does not really exist because the future is unknown so best not to spend your life depending on one thing.  There is also no point in stressing over things that are not that important. So what if my bedroom is messy, I will tidy it when it gets to the point that I cannot find my red lipstick?  (Like yesterday!) Sometimes when we desperately want something we seem to push it further away from us. Maybe this is because our true sense of self is not fully formed, so we only experience snippets of happiness, that our perception of true happiness can only be felt in a dream, it is something to strive for but the “Happy Ever Afters” only exist in movies and fairy stories.

 Have you ever been in a rush driving somewhere and you hit all the red traffic lights but on the days when you have plenty of time all the traffic lights are green?  This phenomenon is termed “The Law of Detachment”.  In order to successfully attract something you must detach yourself from the outcome.  To be attached to your goal is giving power to it, so when you are looking outside yourself to find fulfilment from other sources then you are giving the power away.

I have lived my life the way society expected me to, I have always worked and achieved a BSc with the Open University while bringing up two children on my own, and now I am terminally ill, so it’s time for me to take a different approach. I know I have a long way to go but the purpose of life is growth, I do not want to stagnate I want to keep my energies flowing and in a positive way. We are magnetic and we draw people and situations to us in the way that we feel.   I need to channel my energies into developing my own goals of happiness but before I can do that I need to de-clutter the destructive conditioning in my brain and allow myself to get to know pure happiness. 


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Tuesday, 28 February 2012

Who Are You?


I had a very emotive conversation with a good friend the other day which has grounded my construct of who I am.  I understood and totally agreed with the directional guidance and empathy that was bestowed on me.

My experience of life in the Western world is there seems to be an emphasis on achievement and modes of behaviour.  Throughout life we place different identities upon ourselves that position us into sub groups within our society and we do this so that others can get a view of who we are and what we are about.  From the beginning of our lives into adulthood we pass through many of these opinions of who we are, but when do we really get to understand who we are?  We are encouraged to compare ourselves to others even when we face a traumatic time in our lives the saying comes out “There are worse people out there than you, you should be grateful”.  You should not compare yourself to others, what is important is what is happening within you. We can get confused to know what is our true essence, with all the excess baggage that is placed on us by others and through our own inability to let go of negative emotions.

To be healthy your body is in balance but when an imbalance occurs then your body is at dis-ease and this can manifest as a physical illness, but what causes it is never straightforward.  It has been stated that healthy bodies develop cancerous cells but they are able to eliminate them, but when a body is at dis-ease then the system to eliminate them is blocked.  Throughout my life I have strived to follow a healthy lifestyle so it was a shock to discover I had cancer.  So am I to blame for my illness? I think most of us will experience emotional hurt in our lives, it may be just one or two events that caused pain or grief and we were not able to express this or to let it go and this in time will have an effect on our physical wellbeing.  Or perhaps a stagnation of “life force energy” has caused the dis-ease. There are also environmental influences that cause a strain on the body’s ability to keep a healthy balance. Even within our food chain we are exposed to carcinogenic compounds.  When you reach a point in your life when you are confronted with a life limiting disease then it becomes time to examine what it is that is blocking your existence.  So it is at this crucial time when you are faced with the opportunity to really transform your sense of who you are and discover your true essence. To achieve this you need to trust and have faith to become the healer within to bring back harmony in your emotional, physical and mental levels and to become responsible for your thoughts and actions.

When I was first diagnosed with Lobular Breast Cancer in June 2005 it was also at a time when I was challenged with a lot of negative energy at work caused by a change in management.  I felt that the new Acting Manager was blocking the development in my career by denying me opportunities to progress. This was stifling my creative energy; I could feel it so strong.  So the serious illness gave me a reason to get out of the situation. I started to make changes in my life, I allowed myself to see the beauty in the simplest things around me, I started to de-clutter my life.  I allowed my creativity to develop in my dancing, photography and study.  When I was told in February 2010 that the Lobular Breast Cancer had now spread to my bones and there was no cure only careful management to slow the progression down.  I was trying to get my head around it and said to my daughter, “Its in my spine, my back bone the whole support of my body, I am trying to make changes in my life, what is this illness telling me?” She replied, “Your back bone is your strength, you have to believe in yourself!”

Having a serious illness can consume who you are and it is so easy to lose direction as you are undergoing tests and treatments at the hospital and dealing with the physical side effects of these treatments you become this person with terminal cancer.  But, as my good friend enlightened me, I was reminded not to become the illness, I am not the cancer, I am who I am.


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Thursday, 23 February 2012

The Big C



I wondered what to write about in my first blog; have been chewing over it for a few days now as I have so much I would like to share with you.  Then I realised it was Thursday and my favourite TV program would be on at 22.00 on channel More 4, “The Big C”.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2005 a friend of mine referred to my illness as, “The big C”, and I was not impressed.  When I discovered the swelling in my breast I knew it was cancer, but I will tell that story another day, maybe, but when I was attending the hospital appointments and discussing what was to happen it felt like it wasn’t really happening to me, it was as if I was a character in a play but no one had given me the script.  I remember when my first consultant told me that I needed a mastectomy.  I said, “I don’t know what I am supposed to say”.  I needed the goddamn script!  My daughter was in the consulting room with me, I remember seeing her show so much strength, she didn’t have to speak, her energy was so strong and comforting.  I believed that I would survive cancer; I did not want to have an illness that would attract pity and shame.  To cut a long story short, as lots have happened in my coming up 7 years living with cancer, in February 2010 I was told that I now had secondary cancer in my bones and I could not be cured.  So I am now terminally ill, or the kinder terminology, I have a life limiting illness.

When the first series of “The Big C” was shown in England last year my daughter told me about it, so I sat one day on my bed and watched all the episodes I had missed on my laptop.  I really enjoyed them, I laughed and I cried at the content and could relate well to the topics covered.  I hope to cover some of these issues in my future blogs.  Although obviously, my experience is of secondary breast cancer and I have chosen to set up a blog on this subject to help woman like me, but also anyone who chooses to follow me.  I hope my blogs will stir an empowerment in you to enhance your own potential.  Being diagnosed with a life limiting illness is a wakeup call.  I decided that if I was going to battle this disease then my life had better get better.  The reality is that it is my responsibility to make my life better.  Many of us fall into “The Comfort Zone” (that’s another Big C) because it is easier.  We stay in a relationship that makes us unhappy but at least we have someone to share our life with, or we stick at a mundane job because at least we will get paid at the end of the month but these situations can drain our energies and then we become the living dead.    It’s scary to jump into the unknown but that is what you have to do when living as a cancer patient, it is all trial and error with your treatments, there are no guarantees.  I have the Big C, those of you that haven’t open your eyes to what is around you and follow my blog for tips on having a healthy, enjoyable life.  Within every negative look hard and you will find there is a positive.

As serious as my illness is it has facilitated positive changes in my life.  It has not been easy, I have cried a river, I can tell you, but it has awakened my creativeness and given me time to learn who I am and made me realise that I have no time for people or situations that create negative energy.  So breathe in deep and wide and smell the coffee and catch up on those episodes of
“The Big C” that you have missed!


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