The Big C

I wondered what to write about in my first blog; have been chewing over it for a few days now as I have so much I would like to share with you.  Then I realised it was Thursday and my favourite TV program would be on at 22.00 on channel More 4, “The Big C”.

When I was first diagnosed with breast cancer in June 2005 a friend of mine referred to my illness as, “The big C”, and I was not impressed.  When I discovered the swelling in my breast I knew it was cancer, but I will tell that story another day, maybe, but when I was attending the hospital appointments and discussing what was to happen it felt like it wasn’t really happening to me, it was as if I was a character in a play but no one had given me the script.  I remember when my first consultant told me that I needed a mastectomy.  I said, “I don’t know what I am supposed to say”.  I needed the goddamn script!  My daughter was in the consulting room with me, I remember seeing her show so much strength, she didn’t have to speak, her energy was so strong and comforting.  I believed that I would survive cancer; I did not want to have an illness that would attract pity and shame.  To cut a long story short, as lots have happened in my coming up 7 years living with cancer, in February 2010 I was told that I now had secondary cancer in my bones and I could not be cured.  So I am now terminally ill, or the kinder terminology, I have a life limiting illness.

When the first series of “The Big C” was shown in England last year my daughter told me about it, so I sat one day on my bed and watched all the episodes I had missed on my laptop.  I really enjoyed them, I laughed and I cried at the content and could relate well to the topics covered.  I hope to cover some of these issues in my future blogs.  Although obviously, my experience is of secondary breast cancer and I have chosen to set up a blog on this subject to help woman like me, but also anyone who chooses to follow me.  I hope my blogs will stir an empowerment in you to enhance your own potential.  Being diagnosed with a life limiting illness is a wakeup call.  I decided that if I was going to battle this disease then my life had better get better.  The reality is that it is my responsibility to make my life better.  Many of us fall into “The Comfort Zone” (that’s another Big C) because it is easier.  We stay in a relationship that makes us unhappy but at least we have someone to share our life with, or we stick at a mundane job because at least we will get paid at the end of the month but these situations can drain our energies and then we become the living dead.    It’s scary to jump into the unknown but that is what you have to do when living as a cancer patient, it is all trial and error with your treatments, there are no guarantees.  I have the Big C, those of you that haven’t open your eyes to what is around you and follow my blog for tips on having a healthy, enjoyable life.  Within every negative look hard and you will find there is a positive.

As serious as my illness is it has facilitated positive changes in my life.  It has not been easy, I have cried a river, I can tell you, but it has awakened my creativeness and given me time to learn who I am and made me realise that I have no time for people or situations that create negative energy.  So breathe in deep and wide and smell the coffee and catch up on those episodes of
“The Big C” that you have missed!


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